


Nerves

by MiriRainbowitz



Category: Tortall - Tamora Pierce
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-25
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2018-11-18 16:37:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11294553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiriRainbowitz/pseuds/MiriRainbowitz
Summary: Someone should tell Raoul that there's no reason for him to be nervous about asking Keladry of Mindelan to be his squire, since he's not doing a good job convincing himself of that.





	Nerves

**Author's Note:**

> Based on [this post](http://the-pontiac-bandit.tumblr.com/post/141224343098/no-but-everyone-think-for-a-second-about-how)

_I'm not nervous_ , Raoul thought. _I haven't been nervous in… gods, I can't even remember. I_ can't _be nervous_. 

He wasn't nervous, really. Except for the part where he absolutely, completely, 100% was.

He hadn't immediately thought of Kel being his squire when he first laid eyes on her, struggling to stay on the back of her too-large horse. He had thought that her strength and determination were admirable, but that was it. It was during the spidren hunt that he'd first thought of her as a potential squire for him. He'd seen the way her fellow pages looked to her, the way she had used her resources (a gods-blessed flock of sparrows!) to find the spidren lair, the way she was quiet and focused as she followed the sparrows, and he'd thought _if she was my squire, I could help her be a great commander some day_.

Then any time he'd heard her mentioned- the battle with the hill bandits, her campaign to end hazing, the growing number of people who looked up to her and respected her, her knowledge and familiarity with the Yamanis- he'd grown more and more convinced that he should ask her to be his squire. She would be an incredible asset to him, and when his thoughts stretched to the far future, she'd be a great Knight Commander of the Own when he retired. 

It was only when the Own was called away to deal with ogres crossing the Tusain border that he began to worry. Kel was brilliant and hard-working and an all-around great person- what if he wasn't the only one who'd noticed that? What if someone else asked her to be his squire?

What if she said yes? 

He'd already started making arrangements for her to be his squire, like asking Onua to find Kel a riding horse that would get along well with both her and her irritable gelding, and actually trying to make the squire’s room that was attached to his suite habitable. What if he got back and it was all for nothing? 

When he finally got back, it was with a feeling of considerable relief that he heard that not only was Kel still at the palace (maybe she hadn't been snatched up already), but that she was down in the tilting courts. When he arrived, he watched as she snapped the ring off of its cord and sent it flying with a flick of her wrist for her dog to catch.

He traded a few lines of small talk with her as he gathered up his nerves. As he apologized for being called away and asked her if she wanted to be his squire, he thanked the gods that he had years of practice in concealing his emotions (not to the same extent as Kel, admittedly, but he was not an open book).

Kel had blinked and said nothing, which Raoul would later learn meant that she was shocked, but after a little more talk, she accepted his offer. He managed to take Kel to the stables to meet her new horse instead of running around the palace bragging that Kel was _his_ squire. 

(Okay, yeah, he did brag to Alanna and Jon and Gary a bit, but come on. Alanna’s and Jon's squires would become good knights, but _his_ squire would become an amazing commander. Besides, it was about time he got something better than them.)


End file.
